Why didn't the skeleton go bungee jumping?

No guts.

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Because they have big fingers.

A cannibal was expelled from school. She kept buttering up the teacher.

A young lawyer meets Satan at a bar association conference. Satan says, "If you give me the souls of everyone in your family, I'll make you a partner in your firm.

The lawyer asks, "What's the catch?"

What's the difference between lawyers and leeches?

Leeches stop sucking your blood when you die.

How do you get a lawyer down from a tree?

Cut the rope.

A man walked into his house with a handful of dog turds.

He showed them to his wife, and said, "Look what I almost stepped in!"

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy.

How do you make a dead kitten float?

A glass of root beer and two scoops of dead kitten.